Help, my friend uses steroids!

Geschatte leestijd: 5 minuten If your partner uses steroids, it can affect your relationship. Here are tips for both him and her to maintain peace. Since in practice it is usually the man who uses steroids and the woman who is concerned about it, I will address that situation below.

Help, my boyfriend uses steroids!

If you’ve read more of my texts about anabolic steroids, you know by now that despite never wanting to use them myself, I do not (directly) condemn their use by others. I have extensively written about both the potential risks and the misconceptions regarding risks. Most users are aware of the risks and are willing to take them, however unwise that may be. So, I’m not lining up to shout about ‘aggressive steroid users with pimples on their backs bigger than their balls hanging under non-functioning tools’. With those kinds of clichés, I don’t think you (always) get there and it makes the user think that you’re just someone who follows the hysteria, without knowing anything about the subject. Yet, it is precisely these kinds of stories (albeit more subtly worded) that I often hear from partners of steroid users. Usually, it’s a concerned woman who wants to know more about her boyfriend’s use.

Bad news is always more exciting

It’s important to realize that stories of steroid use with negative side effects get more attention than stories where nothing goes wrong. In that regard, steroid users are like Muslims: You only hear about the “bad cases”. Ali who faithfully goes to work every day and builds a life just like everyone else, is not interesting for the media. The same goes for Adrie who minimizes the risks and side effects of his steroid use, so nobody notices (except perhaps for changes in his physique).

How do I know if my boyfriend is using steroids?

In many cases, you don’t know. It’s not the case that every user immediately gets pimples on their back, punches holes in doors, and becomes temporarily impotent. Moreover, I see enough users around me who handle nutrition and training so poorly that you can’t even tell from their physique that they use. Therefore, it’s important not to jump to conclusions too quickly because your man, for example, has less interest in sex. Maybe this is just a consequence of his porn addiction and excessive exposure to German sludge girls, which has left him oversaturated and no longer stimulated by real sex. Short fuse and irritable? Maybe he’s just grumpy because he’s forced to watch programs like “The Voice” every Friday night, instead of his beloved “Top Gear”. Did you also know that there’s a connection between protein and acne? So those pimples don’t necessarily have to come from steroid use, although there seems to be a difference in the location of the pimples (face instead of back). However, if you have a bodybuilder as a boyfriend, dealing with all these circumstances, and this behavior has developed in a short time? Then there is indeed a real chance that he is using anabolic steroids. The easiest way to find out is, of course, by asking instead of, for example, searching for hidden ampoules and injection needles. Just asking, however, doesn’t always lead to an honest answer either.

Difficult to discuss at home

Just as steroid users usually do not feel the need to explain their use to outsiders, sometimes they also do not feel that need at home. Even as a natural, I know from experience the tension that can arise from the fact that I have an obsession with muscle mass that my partner does not share. She enjoys bragging with photos to colleagues, but is not exactly thrilled with the time I have to spend in the gym for this. If your partner does not share your passion for fitness or bodybuilding, she may have accepted the sacrifices necessary for it, but she probably doesn’t really understand it. Where my personal story ends here, for some others it continues with the fact that at some point they consider trying a steroid cycle. “People who don’t train themselves naturally have no understanding of steroids and only have prejudices,” someone might think then. You haven’t even told your GP because they probably know less about steroids than you do. You may hesitate to tell your partner about it. On the one hand, she has the right to know what’s going on, while it doesn’t concern outsiders. On the other hand, she could nag about it every day while you can simply avoid that annoying neighbor with his questions when you walk the dog. So, appreciate it if your partner decides to tell you about it and don’t immediately start shouting that you’re afraid he’ll get violent and impotent. That only confirms that it’s not open for discussion. Out of fear of this, many don’t tell their partners at home. Then I get an email from their partner about their suspicions of steroid use, complaints about a low libido, and how to deal with it. I prefer emails from neglected women for other reasons.

Tips for him:

Be open

You don’t have to be a relationship therapist or psychologist to understand the problems this can cause at home. What do you think your girlfriend/wife thinks, for example, when you first have regular sex and then suddenly have no interest in her for a few weeks? The thought that you’re using steroids is still the most positive scenario. Other thoughts could be that you’re simply no longer interested in her and are seeking pleasure outside. In any case, it’s a fantastic way to make your partner feel insecure, and insecurity is not exactly the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.

Be knowledgeable about what you use

Okay, I write extensively about the subject and read the necessary literature. Yet, I still find it strange if I know more about certain anabolic steroids than the person injecting it into their body. I often hear stories of people who have started a cycle but have no idea about things like aromatase and PCTs. Stories of guys who have no interest in sex for six months or longer because they’ve been on a cycle for too long and it takes a long time for their own testosterone production to start again. You should, of course, try to avoid these kinds of problems as much as possible. However, when it comes to your libido and behavior in a relationship, your responsibility is even greater because it’s not just your problems.

Tips for her:

Make it discussable

Express your concerns and make clear what the situation does to you. There’s a good chance, for example, that if your boyfriend previously lied about steroid use, he will be more honest about it when it’s clear that otherwise, you suspect him of cheating. Also, make it clear that it’s easier to deal with behavioral changes when you know the cause. Just as it’s easier for him to deal with your PMS when he understands that it’s due to your hormones and not him (whether that’s true or not).

Consider whether it should be a problem before it really is

Sometimes you don’t doubt, but you’re sure of the use because he’s told you himself. As mentioned above, it’s not wise to immediately condemn this and assume the worst. There are real risks, such as in severe cases HIV infection when, for example, he uses contaminated injection needles (something I’ll write about soon). That concerns you as a partner. However, by exaggerating the risks and thereby making it clear that you’re not particularly knowledgeable, you will quickly lose his willingness to listen. However, you can indicate that you expect him to handle this responsibly, educate himself about what he’s using, and take as many measures as possible to limit side effects. Wanting a few extra kilos of muscle mass doesn’t have to mean that you can’t have sex for a few weeks or that you have to wonder whether a condom should be used when he does get it up.

“Get rid of the steroids or I’m gone”

Finally, the use of steroids can of course also be a deal breaker. Just as some can’t imagine being in a relationship with a smoker, some (either on principle or out of concern for health) simply don’t want to be in a relationship with a steroid user.