In a gym, unsolicited advice is often given that is not always appreciated. How do you give someone unsolicited advice constructively?
Unsolicited Advice
It will come as no surprise that I enjoy explaining things related to nutrition and training. Giving explanations seems to be something that personally suits me. Both as a leader at work, a sensei in the dojo, a father, and finally as a fitness instructor, this is a characteristic that comes in handy. Unfortunately, however, this trait doesn’t come with an off switch. So, I have a lot of difficulty not saying anything when I see something happening that I think, “That’s at least awkward.” Given the trend of more and more basic concept gyms emerging, and thus less guidance available, these situations occur more and more frequently.
“Unasked for advice is criticism”
Like anyone who recognizes this and has given unsolicited advice themselves in the gym, I have also experienced several times that this advice was not appreciated. The expression “Unasked for advice is criticism” often applies in these cases. The recipient of the well-intended advice perceives it as criticism and adopts a defensive posture, resulting only in resistance. Instead of thinking as the advisor, “Stubborn piece of trash, then go ahead with the stumbling you call squats” or something similar, it’s better to consider what you could have done to prevent this situation.
Therefore, below are some tips for people who like to help others in the gym but don’t always see it appreciated.
However, I’ll start with an anecdote. One of the many examples of a reaction to unsolicited advice that led to the writing of this article.
How Others React to Unsolicited Advice You Give
An example that has always stuck with me is from a few years ago when I was still training at Fit4Less in Amsterdam. At one point, I saw two guys bench pressing opposite each other. Both were training for maximum strength and muscle mass, heavy weights and few repetitions. Maximum about 5 reps. At one point, I saw one of them struggling to put the weight back and walked over to spot, to help, while the other guy opposite was resting.
So, I suggested that they spot each other. After all, they were both training heavy and were both alone. The guy I had just helped (I estimated him to be about 16 years old) responded, “No, I don’t need it so heavy because I play ‘professional soccer’ and can’t get too heavy in mass.” The other guy gave a look of, “Seemed like a good idea, but never mind.”
Firstly: A glance at his physique was enough to see that this heavy stuff was pure nonsense, even goalkeepers at a professional level have a better physique. He was really a weakling. Just about not really fat. But okay, I pretended to believe it.
Secondly: I hate it when people say they “don’t want to get too muscular.” What do they think? That they’ll suddenly wake up and not be able to move their arms because their biceps have suddenly become enormous and are in the way?
“Not wanting to get too muscular is like ‘not wanting to get too rich’ for people on welfare.”
But okay, back to that so-called professional soccer player. I replied that if he didn’t want to get heavy (cough, cough), he’d better train for muscle conditioning or explosiveness, as described in my article on strength training for soccer players. So, lighter weights and more repetitions or plyometric exercises.
Then he looked at me blankly (a bit like the cat next to me now) to continue in exactly the same way (again without asking me or the guy opposite him for help). He struggles to do a few reps and then puts the weight back with a sigh, upon which he walks away (after putting on a show). I wish him luck with the soccer career, but he should focus on getting stronger. Then he’ll notice that he doesn’t suddenly turn into a bodybuilder.
I’m not surprised by his reaction. Unsolicited advice is rarely well received, even if it comes from the most experienced trainer. So, what could you do to increase the chances of your unsolicited advice being appreciated?
I give you 10 tips:
- Only give advice if you are at least 90% sure that it is desired and appreciated.
- Do it as discreetly as possible. Nobody wants to be embarrassed in public.
- Choose the right time. The time when someone is not in the middle of a set and is not completely exhausted.
- Choose the right words. This is not the time to show off your knowledge.
- Start with a question. “I see that you have difficulty with squats. May I give you a tip?”
- Always provide feedback. “Did that help you?”
- Don’t continue to help if the other person indicates that they do not want this.
- It is more difficult to give advice to women than to men. Men generally find it easier to accept help. Also from a woman.
- Remember that you can’t help everyone. Especially not the stubborn ones.
- Let it go if it doesn’t work. Give your advice and if it’s not appreciated, then that’s it. Life goes on.
For those who receive unsolicited advice:
- Be grateful that someone wants to help you.
- Listen politely, even if you don’t need the advice. If it turns out that you did need it after all, you’ll be glad you listened.
- If you didn’t need the advice, say so politely. “Thank you for your input, but I prefer to do it this way.”
- Don’t get angry or offended. The other person probably meant well.
By the way, I myself am still guilty of these ten rules. So, nobody’s perfect.
What do you do?
What do you do when you see someone doing something that you think is awkward?
Do you intervene or not?
And if so, how do you do it? Do you use one of these tips or do you do something completely different?
Let me know in the comments below.
