Geschatte leestijd: 3 minuten
In a gym, you encounter all kinds of people in all shapes and sizes. Maaike and Bep don’t keep their opinions about others in the gym hidden under barbells or benches. Especially the fitness enthusiasts are targeted.
Gym Types
A gym is a unique place. Different people with different goals and methods share a space there. Unlike at work or at a sports club, there’s no necessary cooperation. This results in a special dynamic formed by a very diverse group.
Some gyms therefore see the need to maintain good harmony by enforcing certain rules. Some go further than others. For most gyms, it’s limited to rules regarding hygiene. However, some also try to influence the social aspect. Planet Fitness in the U.S., for example, operates on the principle of the ‘judgement free zone’. In practice, this mainly means rules aimed at preventing others from feeling intimidated. So no tank tops and too sexy clothing. Especially not if you have a visibly well-trained body. Others might feel bad about themselves because of that.
We don’t seem to have such a ‘judgement free zone’ here, at least not as a policy. That may also explain the way Maaike and Bep openly share their unfiltered opinions about their fellow gym-goers. While working on the bench press, I overheard part of the conversation the ladies were having as they walked at a leisurely pace on the treadmill. The immediate cause seemed to be the arrival of two young women who wouldn’t look out of place in a bikini fitness competition.
“Perfect Bitches”
M: “There they are again, those perfect bitches.”
B: “Is it just me or are those outfits getting smaller?”
M: “That they dare to dress like that with ridiculously tight ass and breasts.”
B: “Ridiculously tight shorts and tops you mean. Body paint would reveal less.”
B: “Disgusting. Look at them now, it even seems like they’re walking in slow motion.”
M: “Yeah, how long does it take to walk from the water fountain to the stair master?”
B: “Of course, now they’re flirting with that Magic Mike wannabe.”
M: “Another disgusting figure. Protein junkie with 3% body fat, blessed with fantastic genes and perfect hair.”
M: “Look at them together, they look like one of those infomercials.”
B: “Yeah, you expect a voice to shout that you’ll get three free instructional DVDs if you call now.”
M: “Yeah, ten minutes of training per day and we’ll look like them for sure.”
B: “Ten servings of broccoli per day, you mean.”
“Hercules”
At that moment, one of my ‘regular spotters’ walks by. You know, that guy in the gym whom you trust based on his physique to assist you with bench pressing. A bigger guy. This turned out to be a good distraction and the Tell Sell trio was momentarily forgotten.
M: “Look, Hercules has descended from Olympus again to ‘pump iron’.”
Maaike then does her version of a ‘most muscular pose’, causing Bep to laugh.
B: “Why does he walk as if he’s carrying two watermelons under his arms? Yes, you’re broad, we get it!”
M: “He just needs bow legs now, our anabolic cowboy.”
B: “I’d still eat his cows. Nice and organic. He’s keeping the growth hormone for himself, of course.”
M:”Maybe he also needs a trough of water instead of such an excessively large water bottle. How much does that hold? Four liters?”
‘Hercules’ walks towards the squat rack and glances around, his gaze passing over the ‘critical’ ladies. They both avert their eyes and find their original target again. The ‘perfect bitches’ who have now started
deadlifting. I still don’t know if it was genuine indignation or envy, but they step up their criticism.
Fitness or Porn?
M: “Come on! Is that fitness or porn?”
B: “Yeah, bitch, we know you have fantastic glutes. Do you have to shove them in my face too?”
M:”If your butt has reached a certain level of perfection, it should be forbidden to do deadlifts. Squats too, by the way”
B: “Ever heard of gravity? It’s not right if your belly and breasts stay in place during such a movement, is it?”
M: “If I bend over like that, my belly hangs where my breasts should be and my breasts hang under my chin”
I hear those last words as I finish my workout with my final set of cable curls and burst out laughing. Both ladies look around, and I quickly walk away towards the locker room. Glad I always wear a vest while training. But if Maaike and Bep were real, they would probably have something to say about this gym thug who always wears a hoodie while working out.
