Geschatte leestijd: 5 minutenRecently, the anorexia special featuring the documentary “Emma Wants to Live” was aired. The story of Emma’s struggle against anorexia.
Table of contents
- Emma wil leven
- ‘Het perfecte plaatje’
- Fitness, een minder schadelijke eetstoornis?
- Rosalie wil leven
- Hoe fit is fitness nog?
- Fannetiek over Emma wil leven
Emma wants to live
Emma decided to document her struggle against anorexia on film. Whether it would end well and be motivating, or end badly and show people the terrible consequences of this disease up close. Emma died in April this year at the age of 19 from the effects of anorexia.
Yesterday afternoon in the editorial office, I expressed my desire to write something about this. I had already seen some footage on Humberto the night before, and it made a big impression. The broadcast itself even more so.
It raised questions for me that come up regularly. Questions that Emma forces us to ask again. I am writing this article mainly on a personal basis and as a father of a fifteen-year-old daughter.
It also made quite an impression on Anne. She will conclude this article with a final thought.
‘The perfect picture’
I am a fitness blogger, fitness coach, and fitness photographer. I work in an office with fit people, I coach people who want to get fitter, and I photograph fit people. However, in all those roles, I am primarily concerned with the appearance of the body and much less with fitness.
As a fitness blogger, I continuously write about ways to gain more muscle mass and reduce body fat. No matter how deep I have to delve into physiology and biology for this, you could call the goal itself quite superficial. Sometimes I think of that cat from the movie Babe that describes the functions of other animals and then says about herself:
“I’m here to be beautiful…”.
As a fitness photographer, I capture people in their best shape and in the most beautiful way every week, and then proudly share the result. Part of the satisfaction comes from the fact that I can show my clients, who have worked hard for this, themselves in a way they wanted to see themselves. Or even more beautiful. The more personal satisfaction is like that of a child showing a beautiful drawing to his mother. The difference, however, is that photos give the idea that this is reality. As if it is achievable for everyone at any time. However, it was just a snapshot under ideal conditions. For some, those moments are one out of many, for others, they are unique.
So I regularly ask myself to what extent I influence the ideal image of others. Both personally, but also as part of the era in which everyone wants to be a fitness model/blogger/vlogger and then realizes that you have the pressure to always be in shape. Where motivational fitness quotes, workout videos, and the results of those workouts flood your timeline.
“You should be in the gym or prepping your meals right now,” whispers such an annoying voice.
I often wonder to what extent such potential influence is harmful and to what extent it is positive. How much do you motivate people to live healthier, and to what extent do you let them overdo it? I legitimize my work with the thought that the scale tips in the right direction.
I would like to hear your opinion on that.
Fitness, a less harmful eating disorder?
Now personally, I know several people who have replaced an eating disorder with a passion for fitness. In an article about muscle dysmorphia, I mentioned some studies that show this is more common.
Anorexia can have multiple causes. Causes that we don’t all understand. A theme that came up several times last night is “control.” Not eating as a way to have control where you cannot have it over other matters.
Control over your food intake is a very important part of fitness. So I can well imagine that the same need for control of an anorexia patient can be fulfilled with a schedule aimed at a ‘fitness physique’. A physique that requires (more) muscle mass. You are more aware that you need certain nutrients as much as you limit others, and yet, or precisely because of that, have a physique you are happy with.
Rosalie wants to live
A story we shared here before is that of Rosalie. Fitness was part of Rosalie’s eating disorder. The desire to lose weight, eat little, and exercise a lot resulted in a weight of 42 kilos at the age of 18. She fought a difficult battle but managed to gain weight to 74 kilos in two years. However, she still saw herself as “fat and bad” and fell back into her old pattern. Then, with guidance, she learned to give a different meaning to the term “Fitness”. Clinically speaking, this meant she saw a healthier alternative to achieve her goal.
The most important thing for me is that I feel safe with this eating pattern, that’s why I stick to it now.
-Rosalie
How fit is fitness still?
It shows that the concept of “fitness” should be taken broadly. Fitness is both the method and the ideal it creates.
It can be a method to burn calories that you are already short of, but also a method to get rid of severe overweight. It can be a way to get a healthier ideal image and a healthier way to achieve it. However, it can also create an unattainable ideal and encourage an obsessive lifestyle.
As I said, I do not claim to know the answers. I cannot be objective enough for that. I always think I am very balanced when it comes to my own ideal image. Recently, I had a photoshoot with an outfit from a game. I had already seen the outfit on a slim model, somewhat similar to the model I had planned. Then, when I saw the same costume on another, fuller, model, my first reaction was, “That’s meant as a joke.” I found it very funny anyway. However, when I showed it to my daughter, expecting the same reaction, she reacted very differently. She didn’t find it funny but even more beautiful than the thinner model. At least she had “curves where they should be”. Tastes differ, but the difference between ‘laughable’ and ‘more beautiful’ was quite large.
Food for thought
Fannetic about Emma wants to live
With tears in my eyes, I close my laptop. I have just watched the documentary ‘Emma wants to live’ on NPO3. Emma has anorexia. Or had anorexia. Because Emma is dead.
Up close, the documentary shows how a cheerful, handsome, and above all young girl becomes a victim of the deadliest mental illness there is: anorexia nervosa. The fear of eating, where the body is literally starved. Sometimes as a coping mechanism, sometimes due to insecurity, sometimes due to a wrong self-image, sometimes due to a lack of self-confidence. Sometimes patients survive the disease. Sometimes they do not.
A friend calls. ‘Wow, intense, right.’ She knew I had watched. ‘How was it for you to see,’ she asks, knowing about my work in the fitness industry, my education as a nutritionist, and my own history with food and diets. I answer her with approximately the same thoughts that Kenneth outlined above so clearly. Except that I do not look through the eyes of my 15-year-old daughter but through my 15-year-old self.
Eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and other eating-disordered behaviors are commonplace, still. Where pro-ana websites a few years ago – in addition to having size zero – flourished, it is not much different in the current era of social media, Photoshop, and filter apps. Every day, we are confronted with everything we are not and how we do not look. A smooth, poreless skin, lashes up to your nose, round buttocks above toned legs, and rock-hard abs every season of the year.
Scroll through Instagram, and the perfect pictures and sizes are flying around you. Then look in the mirror without a perfect angle and sepia filter, and suddenly you see something else.
Are photos on our social media today different from the pro-ana websites back then? Do we encourage others to engage in unhealthy behavior with our perfect photos? Do we contribute to the insecurity of young and often susceptible teenagers? In fact, do I do that too, with my behavior online? Does what you see online change your view of yourself?
Many questions for which I cannot find immediate answers, but I am glad that documentaries like this are made and broadcast. Let’s keep the discussion alive, where this disease sometimes does not allow it, and let’s keep talking and thinking out loud.
