Some people who have never been to a gym or haven’t been for a long time feel the need to prove themselves with tall tales. Under the guise of “I used to be so strong and so big,” they seem to want to overcompensate for their long absence from the gym with stories of what they achieved in a distant past.
The reason they haven’t trained for so long is always due to circumstances beyond their control, such as injuries or illness. Often reasons that could never be an excuse for the true “gym rat” to stop training for so long. Now we all have to listen to the tall tales of what they used to be able to do and the plans to get back there. The reality is usually that we never see them again in the gym and that the probably never before achieved results will always remain a dream.
“I used to bench press 140 kilos and squat 180 with my legs”
This statement I heard in the gym the other day and what followed afterwards is the direct reason for this article. I thought: “Here we go again. Definitely not going to look or respond because he might start talking to me too.” It didn’t matter much because the volume was so high that everyone within a radius of 20 meters had to hear it. Everyone had to hear how much he used to bench press and how much he could deadlift or squat. Of course, everyone also had to hear that he hadn’t been able to train due to illness for a while because it certainly wasn’t his fault that he hadn’t been able to train for a while. A glance at his body was enough to see that the past he spoke of probably took place in the time when we still paid in guilders.
Since there is often little space in the gym where I train, I couldn’t avoid using the bench next to him at some point. That’s when I was in trouble, of course. I had done one set when he started: “I used to train as heavy as you, blah blah blah…”. To which I said:
Back in the day, we were so poor we played basketball barefoot. We were too poor for a ball, so we used a brick instead. We didn’t have hoops either, so we took turns forming a ring with our arms and used our chest and head as the backboard.
Since he didn’t know me and my sarcasm/humor yet, he looked at me a bit puzzled. I then put my hood (functioning as blinders) back on to continue my set before he had time to respond to this. After the set, he started with an attempt at an extensive explanation of his plans to “come back”. I said “Good luck”, turned around, and quickly walked away to a machine knowing that I probably would never see him again in the gym. Maybe a bit mean, but I don’t really care for that boasting.
Acceptance in a gym
Still, I probably shouldn’t blame him. It’s recognizable after all. That apparent need to present your credentials when you enter “a group” as a newcomer. The once stepped-out beta wolf now posing as a former alpha wolf in an attempt to gain a good position in the group. Although one may wonder if the visitors of a gym would consider themselves as a group, some people feel the need to “belong” as quickly as possible. Acceptance and rejection by a group or by individuals are of great psychological importance (dewall). Acceptance in a group is evolutionarily a matter of survival.
With no fangs, fur, or claws, and with long, vulnerable childhoods, humans are ill-suited to fulfill their survival and reproductive needs living in isolation. Given these vulnerabilities, early humans survived harsh environments by depending on small groups of other individuals to meet many of their survival and reproductive needs. The benefits of acceptance and group living extend beyond protection from predators and providing mates to spread one’s genes to future generations. Cooperative group living enabled early humans to share and receive resources from each other, thereby making it unnecessary for individuals to carry the entire burden of their well-being on their own shoulders.
N. DeWall, University of Kentucky
It’s understandable that as a caveman you’d like to be accepted by a group to defend yourself against saber-toothed tigers. It makes working much more pleasant when you’re accepted by colleagues at work. But why is it important to be “accepted” by the members of a gym?
First of all, it’s good not to see the members of the gym as one homogeneous group, but as diverse “subcultures”. The cardio addicts, the class fans, the bodybuilders and powerlifters, and nowadays the crossfitters and practitioners of calisthenics. The nature of the tall tales depends on the subculture someone (consciously or unconsciously) wants to belong to. Calisthenics: “Back in the day, I could do 300 muscle-ups in two minutes”. The cardio addicts: “Back in the day, I ran the dam to dam in 30 minutes”. The bodybuilders: “Back in the day, I was sooo big”.
The funny thing is, it doesn’t matter which group you want to belong to and which tall tales you tell as a reference. The simple fact is that no one cares what you used to do or could do, whether it’s true or not. And why should you care what others in the gym think of you? If it didn’t interest you during years of absence, why suddenly do you want to play the “king of the gym” in one day?
“If you build it, it will come”
Let go of what others will think of you. The chances are they’re not thinking about you at all, but like most people in the gym, they’re just doing their own thing.
I know that feeling of being away and having to get back into it after a long vacation (during which my wife forbids me from visiting a local gym). It can be very difficult to muster the patience to gradually build up the load again upon returning. You want to pick up where you left off. However, it’s wise to be patient. Especially if you haven’t trained for a long time, you should be careful not to overcompensate by immediately training very heavily under the guise of: “See, I can do it”. First of all, no experienced athlete is impressed by a lot of weight being moved with lousy technique. Secondly, there’s a good chance that this is precisely what causes the injuries that will make your “come back” in the gym short-lived.
Just get back to it slowly. Focus on good technique. For example, train muscle endurance first and then strength. Give your body time to get used to the load again. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the same goes for your dream body.
And those tall tales? Please save them for the pub or by the fish pond.
References
- C. Nathan DeWall,Brad J. Bushman. Social Acceptance and Rejection. The Sweet and the Bitter. Current Directions in Psychological Science August 2011 vol. 20 no. 4 256-260
